A beautiful girl destined to defy the odds.  Born with disabilities, my daughter became another number that was added to the 150,000 children who are born with birth defects every year in the United States. While others may have looked at her that way, I never saw that side of her.  When I held my new bundle of joy I saw the little girl that I dreamed of having my whole life.  Her name had been picked out when I was a child myself, allowing my dolls to temporary borrow it until she had come along.

Raising a special needs child was challenging.  She failed to thrive after birth, but fought for her life with every ounce of her body.  There was determination within her then that still shines through today.  I have watched her grow over the years and I am still amazed at how far she has come.  She may be just a number to some people, but in my eyes she is the epitome of strength and courage. 

I wanted to take some time this week and introduce you to her as a person. Not as someone who has a disability or someone who became a victim.  The world needs to see that behind every label is a human being with a story to tell.  Some stories are happy, others are filled with adversity, but each one just as important as any other.  If you listen closely you will hear the message that each one is trying to convey: We are all people just like you.

"An open door invites callers." The old Turkish proverb sure is ringing true for me.  The past few days I have had several wonderful opportunities to expand my literary focus.  There is another memoir writing course being offered at the college that I was able to get into.  I will be joining a couple of my new friends from the last course there as well!  It will be nice to see them again and hear what they have been working on.  Tomorrow I will be meeting up with one of those friends so that we can bounce ideas off of each other on our books and book proposals...can't wait!! 

I just received word that the online news article about my book writing will be out sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning.  As soon as it is posted I will put the link into my website.  Monday evening I was invited to sit in a writers group in Rome.  Normally I wouldn't be able to travel that far on a weekday, but as luck would have it I am off for vacation all week so the opportunity couldn't have came at a better time.  I plan on bringing my note book and taking lots of notes from the established authors that will be in my presence.

Dr. Patti Feuereisen, author of Invisible Girls- The Truth About Sexual Abuse just asked me if I would be willing to post some blogs on her website Girlthrive.com.  She says that she sees many sexually abused girls who are rejected from their families after they disclosed their abuse and thinks it would be nice for other girls to know that there are mothers out there who will fight to protect their daughters.  It is very heartwarming to know that by telling my story I am helping other people.  I worried for so long about the shame, but now I see that there had been a divine plan all along.  Life works in mysterious ways!

The rain outside looks gloomy at first glance, but you look a little deeper you see the fruits of their labor.  While staring out my window wishing I could get outdoors, I was taken back by something breathtaking.  The flowers on one of my trees has started to bloom!  I always get excited when I see my world transform into the lush green wonderland that brings me so much joy.  The daffodils are always my earliest sign, but when the trees begin to bud I know that summer is not so far away.

As a child I would spend hours outdoors, doing nothing in particular.  On warm afternoons I could be found lying on a blanket looking up at the clouds trying to decipher if they resemebled animals or ballerinas.  I found peace walking through the woods and enjoying nature at it's finest.  It was the simple things that I enjoyed most.

While life has changed alot since my childhood, I still enjoy taking in a deep breath of the ocean air and walking barefoot on the beach.  The serenity of the world around me always keeps me in awe.  Life changes too fast to miss out on the little moments that you will treasure forev

After looking through an old photo album today, I couldn't help but to reflect on all that we have overcome the past few years. Fear, judgement, guilt, and uncertainty had ruled our lives after the abuse.  It took hard work but together we were able to rebuild our lives.

I had to weigh sharing my family's secret against the opportunity to inspire other victims. After spending years trying to forget what had happened we had lost ourselves in the secretcy.  The opportunity to be able to open up and talk about the experience was liberating, and has encouraged me to continue spreading the word about raising awareness.

Now we are preparing for more public exposure as we await a news article that should be coming out next week.  I was fortunate enough to have been interviewed about my book writing and how I hope to inspire other victims to break the silence about their own abuse.  As of right now it looks like the article may run on Sunday or Monday, but I will expand more on it when I have the final details.

I would like to thank everybody who has believed in and supported me throughout this journey.  Without you I may not have had the courage to continue.  My life is heading in a whole new direction and I feel that a new purpose awaits me.  I look forward to meeting other survivors at the event next weekend and then I plan to come home and write my final chapter of the book.  You will be the insipiration for the ending of my story!

As promised, I have complied a short but notable list of resources that are available to those people who are working towards recovering from sexual abuse.  I would love to start compiling a longer list of resources for the community.  If there is something that has really helped you in your healing, please share it on the forum link so that others can benefit from it as well. 

Books:
Invisible Girls (Dr. Patti Feueregeisen)
What if I tell (Gina McGabe)
How Long Will It Hurt (Cynthia Mather)

Agencies:
The Child Advocacy Center
Vera House, Inc.

Facebook:
Hope Without Harm
Overcoming Sexual Abuse

Websites:
Girlthrive.com
RAINN.org (Rape, abuse, and Incest National Network)
ChildHelp.org

Fearful night so long ago
Faded memory within my soul
No longer do you fulfill my mind
Healing has come, with the hands of time  

Once was weak, but now I am strong
Pushing forward all day long
Dreaming of what is yet to come
Looking forward now, what's done is done  

I did what I thought I could never do
Thinking of me now, and not of you
I'm moving on with my life
Forgetting the past is a survivor's right

~Aimee Lee             4/11/11

While this topic may seem offensive to some, I felt it was important for people to be aware of the warning signs. Embracing what you may not be aware of can lead to your safety. Knowledge is power!

 The grooming process is one that is done slowly over time, as desensitize the victim into accepting the sexual activity.  Below I have complied a list of behaviors that typical preadtors exhibit.

*They may give your child gifts or money for no reason.
*They have a sudden interest in your child...babysits for free, drives to soccer lessons, etc.
*Preadors may hang out in places where there are only kids (ex: at a playground without a child of their own)
*If they seem too perfect, they very well may be.  Preadators often Invovle themselves in your families life or are highly recognized within their community.  This is done to throw off their trail and secure their innocence.
*They look for parents who appear to be in despair.  Single moms, busy parents.
*The abuse starts slow.  Sometimes they will tell inappropriate jokes or use inappropriate language.  This is their way of "testing" to see how the child will react.
*If the child accepts the language, the abuse can move towards kisses on the lips that linger.  Once the perpretrator is confident that the victim won't tell, they move on to other forms of touching.  If the child still doesn't tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum of abuse from non contact, to contact, and then often ending with penetration.
*Stastistics show that an average serial perpetrator may abuse 400 children in a lifetime.

Making your children aware of the signs and letting them know that it is okay to tell when they feel uncomfortable is a great way to help them protect themselves.  By talking openly about the subject they will be more compelled to come forward and confide in you.

As yet another Sunday ticks by, I feel satisfied with what I have accomplished this weekend.  Yesterday was the first time that the weather has been decent enough to get outdoors, and I made sure that yard now looks ready to invite the summer to come.  I spent the entire day outside and the fresh air had worn me out come sunset.  Early to bed and early to rise, Sunday welcomed me with new inspiration for my book.

I always seem to get my most creative thinking when I am asleep.  Too often I will wake up in the middle of the night with an idea so pressing that I must get up and write it down before I fall back asleep and loose the thought forever.  Today was one of those days and as soon as my feet were touching the floor my fingers were touching the keyboard.  I had a urgent need to revamp my book proposal, making sure to add greater detail to certain parts of it.  My outline for this is complete and now I am hoping to find the time to turn the bullets into full paragraphs that will flow together like the river.

For once I actually allowed myself to sit and relax this weekend as well.  Typically I am running non stop and slowing down is only something that I do for yellow lights. Yet today I found it refreshing to just sit in the hot tub, read a book, and color some Easter eggs.  With little more than just a few hours before bedtime, I am hoping that I will find time to finish working on my goals before I head back to work tomorrow.  As it usually is, once the work week starts all is lost for my writing time. 

Sexual abuse is more than being attacked by a stranger.  Too often we find ourselves being mistreated by the ones in our lives that we love.  For some it may a boyfriend, for others it may their a spouse.  Many find themselves wondering why somebody would choose to stay with the very person who is sexually abusing them.

The number one reason is fear.  Abusers tend to threatend to hurt their victims, children, extended family members, or themselves it they were to ever leave them.  The physical threats are brainwashed into the victims head causing them to stay with that person and enduring more abuse.

Abusers will also beat down their victims self esteem and self worth.  They are convinced that nobody else would want them and that they could not survive on their own.  Victims are also convinced that they deserved the abuse, or that it was their fault.

If children are invovled in an abusive home, there can be guilt about breaking up a family.  Many women stay with their partner in hopes that things will improve with time.  Rarely is this ever the case.

Lastly, most victims are unaware that there is help available to them.  Victims are usually isolated by their abuser, and do not know how to access the community for resources.

This last reason is one that we can help with.  By making our voices heard sexual abuse will no longer be a taboo subject.  Each community can increase their awareness by making access more readily availble to those in need.
Soon I will be posting about some of the agencies that offer help and support for those affected by sexual abuse.  You can help by simply sharing the information with your friends and family.

Today I thought I would share my daughter's transformation from being considered a victim to becoming a true survivor.

 5 years ago her childhood innocence was stolen from her.  She was scared, confused, and in desperate need for help.  We sought therapy right away and together we worked through her emotions.  Through hard work and determination, time had started the healing process.

Now it is simply a memory for her that no longer defines her life.  She will no doubt always remember what had happened to her, but her focus is now on the future.  Immersing herself in dancing, my daughter has found peace with her past.  She wakes every morning with a smile upon her face and is not afraid to live her life.  Her constant laughter is a reminder of how far she has come in her recovery.  Once afraid of boys, she now is a typical teenager who dreams of a fancy wedding and kissing the love of her lfie (hopefully I have a few years before this becomes a reality).

I am so very proud of her accomplishments.  She has shown strength that is much stronger than mine and I am in awe of her courage daily.  This is the very reason that I am proud to have her be part of the survivors event this month.  She deserves to be recognized for her bravery!  My hope is that by sharing our personal story we will inspire other people who are struggling to talk about their story.