Domestic Abuse is another silent epidemic that affects millions of households.  It can in the form of physically, verbally, or mentally hurting another person. Consequently it creates low self esteem, lack of social connections and sometimes even resulting in death.

                                               

Abusers rely on tactics such as intimidating anobody associated with their victim so they will cut ties with them.  This not only further shelters the victim from the outside world but increases the perpretrators control over that person.  As power hungry individuals, they thrive on being able to manipulate every aspect of their vicitms lives, knowing that others will not want to get invovled.  Why is it that removing yourself from the situation is easier than standing by someone in need?

Those affected by domestic abuse typically make several attempts to leave their partner, some which are not always successful.  Once gone from their situation the abuser will turn on the charm and convince their victim they have changed, only to find that once they return they will pay retribution for leaving them in the first place.

Today I will be wearing my purple ribbon to symbolize my support for those still in abusive relationships, and for those who have lost their battle trying to escape.  October is national domestic violence month, but I feel that this campaign deserves to be recogized year around.  I encourage everyone to post this ribbon as your status for today so that we can raise awarness together.

It was a long day at work today.  With parent teacher conferences in full swing, this was my late night to stay over and discuss all of the hard work accomplished this year with the moms and dads.  By this time of the year I have come to think of their children as my own, and it's hard to believe that in a few weeks I will be saying good bye to them as they move on in their school career.

I have watched these kids struggle, achieve, and grow not only in their academics but within themselves.  They have come a long way since Septemeber.  They have obtained a wealth of knowledge that will serve as the foundation for their futures.  Some will return in the fall while others will move on to different buildings, but wherever they go I hope that they continue working hard and find success within their lives.

I received notice today that Bob Comenole will be offering a Master Class in memoir writing, and that all participants will be invited to take part in an anthology that will be published later this summer.  What a great opportunity to continue my writing and spend time with some wonderful new friends.

Initially I was very hesitant to tell my story because I was not sure how it would be perceived by others.  Abuse is a very sensitive topic and often one rather left untouched by many.  The more I thought about this, the more I realized that this is the exact reason that I do need to open up.  If I don't take a stand and start breaking the barrier that sexual abuse is something better left unsaid, then who will?  We NEED to hear the words so that we can first accept that it really is happening in our world, and then start to change how we react to it. If we continue to remain silent then we are accepting that we cannot change things.  I want to let you know that you CAN change things! 

By opening your ears and listening to what a child is saying, you are opening your heart and showing them that you care enough to help.  You may be the only chance that this child has.  If they attempt to disclose for the first time and are put off, they may feel that others will not want to listen as well, and then sadly won't attempt to seek help again. Sexual abuse is no different than physical abuse.  The scars that it leaves behind will forever be imprinted in the minds of those affected.

So I have decided to humble myself and tell the world that I made a choice to save my child.  It wasn't done to make myself look like a hero, it was done to protect a little girl.  An innocent sweet child who desperatly just wanted the abuse to stop. The choices that I made showed her that she deserved more in life than to be treated as an object, and this is a decision that I would make again in heartbeat.

Yvonne Goss is an accomplished singer and songwriter.  She is also a survivor of sexual abuse.  Yvonne along with her three sisters endured years of abuse at the hands of their father at a very young age.  Now Yvonne is an advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves...our children.

Yvonne graciously gave me her permission to share her video that she hopes will save others from the life that she had to live, simply because people choose to remain silent about sexual abuse.

Yvonne's Bio:
"I am a singer/songwriter, children's advocate and survivor of child sexual abuse at the hand of my biological father. My song BE A VOICE was one that I wrote to try and help shed some light on this "UGLY LITTLE SECRET" that no one wants to think about, much less talk about. Some of my videos may be offensive, and I'm sorry if they are, but I can no longer be "silent" about the abuse that I had to endure, along with the countless others like myself. Its time we BE A VOICE, for the children and survivors of sexual abuse!!!"
[email protected]

As I sat and listened to some of the survivor stories last night one in particular stood out to me. A woman bared her soul to us as she relived her childhood, one that was huanted by abuse that nobody would stop.  She was young at the time, and grew up to live a destructive life because nobody was willing to step forward her during her time of need.  As an adult she felt undeserving of love, even from herself.

While this woman was speaking my mind began to wonder why nobody, not one single person, was willing to help this child?  Why did she has to suffer years of sexual abuse because nobody had the courage to stand up for her?  I think back to when my daughter disclosed to me.  Not only did I believe her, but I took action to prevent it from happening again.  Yes, it came at a very deep price.  I sacrificed my whole world to protect her and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  She will grow up knowing that I cared enough to help her when she needed me the most. That I loved her enough to say that I would not allow anybody to treat her that way ever again.  That is what true courage is.

If somebody you loved was abused by a stranger, would expect that person to have a relationship with them?  Would you think that it would be okay to invite that perpetrator into your home and have dinner with them?  My guess would be that you wouldn't.  So why is it different when the perpetrator is somebody that you know?  Why should the victim have to look the person who violated them and pretend that nothing happened?  By remaining silent simply because we do not want to go against the family, you are giving power to the abuser.  You are clearly sending the message that the abuse should be tolerated, and that you are not worthy of anything more.

If a child came to you and asked for help, could you look at yourself in the mirror and know that you did everything you could to save them?  Would you be willing to risk everything if you knew that this child would not have to endure one more night of torture?  I took that risk, and I am proud to say that I did.  My daughter is beautiful and caring... and she is now safe and happy.  She will grow up confident knowing that she was worth it!

Some traditions never change.  This year marks the 14th year that we have visited the Easter Bunny, and while we did not get to photograph this years visit, she was just as happy to tell him what she hopes to find in her basket on  Sunday morning.  Each year I wonder if this would be the last that she will be willing to color eggs or stay up late trying to catch the bunny hiding her treaures, and I was happy that I was able to hold on to her childhood for just a little bit longer.  While we may not be hunting for eggs outside with our bonnets on now days, but we will continue our holiday tradition by getting up around 5 am (not by my choice!) just so that we can start sampling one of everything that was found in the basket, and then topping off our already full bellies with a warm homecooked meal.

I know there will come a day when she thinks she's too big to pose for pictures with a cotton tailed figured plopped in the middle of a mall, so I will have to hold on tight to her last few years of being a child.  Speaking as someone who never wanted to grow up, I will miss the nights staying up late just so that I can sprinkle the yard with rainbow colored plastic eggs that hold chocolately delights inside of them.  I used to spend weeks planning the perfect hiding place for the baskets that had carefully been chosen around Valentines' Day when the stores first displayed them.  Time may be stealing these moments away from me, but the memories are sealed deep within the vault of my heart.

Gone are the days of tiny dresses with matching frilly socks.  The afternoons when a ladybug sandbox would fulfill hours, simulating a warm day at the beach.  Tricycles have transformed into ten speed bikes, and ipods have long since replaced any lullabies once sung at nighttime.  The days may be out of reach, but the memories of those cherished times are foerver etched within my heart.

It was a simple time filled with worries no greater than which type of juice to fill a sippy cup with.  There are days when I long to have those times back, yet I know life holds joyous new memories yet to be discovered.  I cannot rewind not fast forward, because I don't want to loose a single minute of what may happen now. 

Before I know it I will be braiding little white flowers into her hair and shedding happy tears as she walks down the aisle.  The times between now and then will be precious and fast, and each one will be labeled a new chapter in the book of our lives.

SUNY Oswego was honored to have Ira Wood and Marge Piercy present a memoir writing workshop at the college today.  They talked about how to write a great beginning that will keep your readers interested and wanting more.  Each of us in attendance got a chance to write a short life story, some of which were shared with the group.  I also got a chance to sneak a look at their book So You Want To Write.  I came away with some great information that I am currently transfering into my book.  With each writing class that I attend I find that my book is shaping up nicely and going in directions far beyond what I had anticipated. 

~A strong woman is a woman strongly afraid.~
Marge Piercy

Victims often struggle with deciding if they should keep quiet about their experience or open up and talk about it. When they choose the later it is done so with fear.  They worry about judgement from others, or that nobody will believe them.  Some have mustered the strength to disclose their abuse but are then pressured by their family and friends to remain silent.

Being able to talk openly about the abuse can be very healing.  There is a need to connect with other people who understand what they are going through.  By remaining quiet, we are giving power to the perpretrator.

Everyone has their own comfort level for coping with the abuse.  Some may express their feelings through songs, poems, or stories.  Some just have the need to talk about it, but struggle to find somebody who is willing to listen. They are not seeking attention or looking for sympathy from others, they simply have a need to release the burden that has been thrust upon them.

 I have found that people who have not been abused do not understand.  They want you to keep quiet because they are not comfortable with accepting what you have to say.  These are their insecrutities, and you do not need to justify them.  My advice is to surround yourself with people who accept you and are willing to listen to what you have to say.  These are the people who will empower you and allow you to heal.

My little ballerina.  This year will be her 12th year of studying dance, a great feat considering that the doctors feared that she may never walk or talk.  These are her two favorite passions in life.  My passion is making sure that she is able to continue to do both as much as she wants because she has earned the right to. There may be times when my ears get tired of listening, but I keep reminding myself that I had prayed for years to hear her speak and I now I get to listen to the sound of my prayers being answered! 

The grim diagonosis given to her at birth has transformed into a celebration for each milestone that she has achieved. Her doctors marvel at her progress, and I try to only look at how far she has come and not on how far she still have to go.  Her heart is filled with dreams, and I wish that  I could wave a magic wand and make them all come true. The future may be uncertain, but the one thing she can count on is that I will always be there for her.